haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
