My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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