I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i came on her dog
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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