clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
