So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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