dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
