The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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