I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
