Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
