We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
