Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
