You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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