Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
