i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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