there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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