i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
