my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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