She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
