i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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