I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
