I will die if light touches me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
