she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
