You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
