One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
