Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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