id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
