He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
