He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
