First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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