I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
