just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
