Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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