...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
