my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
