I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
