Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
