Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
