Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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