Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
