I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
