I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
