White coat. Heels.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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