how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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