So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
