Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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