$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
