You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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