I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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