Plan B is the new Plan A
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
