his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
