I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
whose parrot is this?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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