At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
