Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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