i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
