i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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