I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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