I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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