You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
